Comet and Toilet Paper

As I start to unload the dishwasher for the hundredth time, my husband very anxiously asks "honey, what can I do to help"? Give the kids a bath I say, easy enough right? Not in my house. After what seems like only a few minutes I hear.."Honey! Help!!! Everything is fine, but help!"

Scene: One child standing in the tub that happens to be FILLED with mushy toilet paper. She is screaming "I don't want it on me!" Another child standing next to the tub, half dressed about to get in. A husband half holding the third child who is covered in Comet cleanser. The smell of the chemical hits you like a ton of bricks, it's EVERYWHERE! The husband in a panic stricken voice with, lets face it..the fear of GOD in his eyes is looking at you, pleading with you to help. His one audible comment.."I can explain how this happened".

After I go into supermom mode and assess the situation, I spring into action. With one swift movement I remove the littlest child's clothes while hurdling the ginormous pile of cleaner that is now covering my bathroom floor. I lift the second child over the mess to my husband who now looks like one of those onlookers at a crash scene. Wide eyes, mouth open, utter confusion. The first child, who in my opinion may have started this whole fiasco in the first place, is screaming at me. She is trying to avoid all the floating pieces of toilet paper like little piranha trying to eat her alive. I quickly shower her off and scoot her out of the bathroom so that I can begin the cleanup.

While on my hands and knees trying to decide if I should wet it all down or vacuum it up, I find myself thinking "does this really happen to people? It must because it's happening to me right now. How did I get this crazy life? Who are these kids, where did they come from and how was it decided that I am qualified to be in charge of them?" So in the midst of an unscheduled cleaning of my bathroom floor, in my head, my blog was born. People need to know that this stuff really happens, that I am not a crazy person. I am just a mom trying to navigate through this thing called parenting. Oh and another thing, Comet cleans a vinyl floor like no other! Who knew??

Once the craziness died down, the kids were cleaned up, the bathroom was restored to it's normal appearance..I went to check on my husband to make sure he wasn't traumatized. In true form, he assured me he currently had things under control again and that it was ok for me to go back downstairs and take some time for myself. His final statement to me as I left the room?? Not "Oh honey, I'm so sorry" "Thank you so much for helping me handle this" "You are an amazing mother and wife, and I could never achieve the greatness that is you!" No, his exact words were...wait for it..."Uh, I hope this doesn't ruin my chances for tonight?"

My life as mom.